


I love you, little one

by moonjidaisy



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Felix calls Jisung sungie just because, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jisung is Gryffindor's Seeker, M/M, Wizarding World (Harry Potter), mention of ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:36:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29841627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonjidaisy/pseuds/moonjidaisy
Summary: Felix was ready to risk everything in order to hear his beloved moon's voice once more, holding onto the comfort it held. What if one day, he actually found a way to keep Chan's voice and play it whenever he wants?Will he really take the chance and risk hiseverything?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	I love you, little one

_ October 27th _

_ To: Lix’s beloved moon.  _

_ I've decided that I will write a letter to you every day. _

_ Even though I know you will never get to read any of these. _

_ I miss you. _

_ Hogwarts' hallway feels so bizarre without you walking on my side. Without your firm grip on my hand, without the comfort you've generously given with the edge of your smile. Now that I think about it, it's quite funny, isn't it? _

_ You're 3 years older than me. Different houses, different classes. How did we become this close?  _

_ I often find myself reminiscing every memory I still have about you. The way your face lit up whenever you laugh, the crescent moon shape your eyes made as they squint, the slight coral blush tinting your cheeks, the deep dimples on the edge of your smile that made me want to dive into, I miss all of them.  _

_ I miss you. _

_ If only I knew that was the last time you taught me how to disapparate because I'm terrible at it. If only I knew it was the last time I would see your giggles and laughters, I would have pretended I didn’t understand anything. I would have continued asking you to stay with me. I would have saved you.  _

_ If only I knew.  _

_ If only I knew it was the last “I love you, little one” escaped from your cherry lips, if only I knew the soothing feelings you gave as your fingers ran through my hair was the last one, I would have answered it better. I should've said “I love you too” while looking directly into your eyes and seeing the pretty constellation they held for the last time. I should’ve leaned into your touch longer and deeper.  _

_ If only I knew. _

_ I should’ve done better.  _

_ I will be back tomorrow and write another letter for you. _

_ I love you a lot. _

_ A lot. _

_ Your little sunshine, Felix.  _

The sunshine boy sighed as his eyes beamed softly to the moon, watching how the silver lights started to weaken, as the dark cloud found their way to hide its shine. A little star blinked faintly on the edge of the horizon, nearly impossible for any eyes to catch. A drop of tears rolling down Felix’s cheeks, drowning his constellation-like freckles—as what Chan liked to call them—with nothing but agony. The tightness and pain grew stronger in his chest, he could feel the glass vial of fragile emotions he kept inside shattering. 

He gave up, letting it shattered completely and revealing the hidden black poison to flow out, rolling down his cheeks heavily as clear tears with the reflection of a broken moon. Felix has never let out any of his gloomy emotions to be seen by anyone. He bottled them up in a vial, and Chan was the only one who knew how to break it. He was the only exception, the only silent witness of the sun’s tears.

The older who resembled the moon in Felix’s eyes would pull him close into his chest, allowing the younger’s tears to burst and wet his shirt. He would draw a circle on Felix trembling back with his warm palm, and the notes of lullaby rolling out softly from his tongue would drag his exhausted body into a sleep he desperately needed. 

But now he was alone, with only the shine of the moon and stars in the night sky that kept growing weaker, as if they’re preparing themselves to disappear once the sun rose. 

“I miss you,” he barely whispered. The thin fog escaping his lips remained visible for a few seconds before it dissolved into the freezing air. “I miss you so much, Channie hyung...” A painful sob tore off from his burning throat, and more followed messily. Felix curled himself into his small body, whimpering and sobbing into his pillow. He missed Chan so much. The air without his presence was suffocating to breathe in. Everything was cold, foreign, and painful. 

The sunshine was missing his moonlight. 

_ October 28th _

_ To: Lix’s beloved moon.  _

_ It was a Quidditch Match today. Sungie played for Gryffindor, and Minho-hyung has improved a lot as Slytherin’s chaser. He flew so fast that I almost couldn’t catch his movement. He’s good at everything, really.  _

_ Sungie also did a really superb job as a seeker. He’s new at that position, but he always did great. I envy him. I can’t believe he catches the snitch while hanging upside down on his broomstick??? How???  _

_ He really is one of a kind.  _

_ Anyway, the Gryffindor team won 170-60 against Slytherin, because, well, Sungie catches the snitch. You’d be proud of him, if only you’re here. I can imagine your proud face while ruffling his fluffy hair and the contagious giggles you’ll let out while doing it.  _

_ They miss you as well, hyung.  _

_ Jisung never talked about that because he doesn’t want to make me sad, but I know he misses you as much as I do. _

_ I miss you.  _

_ I miss the ring of your voice calling my name.  _

_ I miss the way your face split into a wide smile.  _

_ I miss you greeting me every morning with “I love you, little one” with your eyes still half-closed of sleepiness. _

_ If there is any chance for me to hear it again, I would give my everything to hear it.  _

_ Everything I had.  _

_ Love you, hyung.  _

_ See you tomorrow :) _

“Room of Requirements will give you anything you need. But you need to ask it deeply from the bottom of your heart. They said they stored a lot of Dumbledore’s old sorcery in there, too. But no one has ever got into it. It’s too hard to move their heart,” Jisung said just above a whisper. It was a pretty crowded evening at The Three Broomstick, which made it harder for Felix to figure out what Jisung has said. 

Felix moved his chair a little closer, pointing into his left ear for Jisung to whisper at. The other nodded and repeated his words into the younger’s ear, granting wide eyes from his features as he finished. 

“That room will give us  _ anything _ we need?” he asked, figuring out it was too loud when Jisung slapped his thigh and brought his pointer finger to his lips. 

“Yes, but only if you’re able to move their heart,” Jisung answered, licking the white foam of butterbeer on his lips. He wiped his mouth with the edge of his sweater and added, “I heard a lot of students that have tried but sadly failed.” 

Felix chuckled a little, his eyebrows formed a frown when he said, “You never know whether they really failed or just don’t want to tell anyone that they succeeded, Sungie.”

“Exactly, Lixie! Exactly,” Jisung suddenly jumped in excitement, almost tripping on his own backpack on the floor. Thanks to Felix’s great reflex to catch him and save him from planting face first onto the floor, or Felix might have to leave him there alone out of embarrassment. Jisung frantically stood up and balanced himself on two feet, eyes flicked up in excitement when he continued his words in front of Felix’s contrasting concerned look.

“That’s why you should try it and prove it by yourself,” he said. Looking proud of the idea he just came up with, as if Felix’s silently judging stare were not strong enough to convince him that the younger weren’t in the same lane with him.

“I don’t get why I’m the one who should go, and not you.” 

“I don’t think I have anything I want to ask that is sincere enough,” he answered, his gaze immediately softened when they met Felix’s dark hazel pair. “But I know you have one.” 

“You think I have one?”

“I don’t think, lix. I knew it.”

Felix replied with a forced grin, lifting his half-empty glass of warm butterbeer, and sipped it with closed eyes. Swallowing the warmth running down his throat, spreading into his easily cold body. He tightened the yellow scarf with black stripes—and Helga Hufflepuff’s symbol on one edge of it—around his neck, and he stood up from his seat. 

Jisung followed him when he walked to pay for their drinks and granted a fond smile to the lady as she pulled their galleons into the drawer with a clink sound. 

They decided to buy some sweets in Honeydukes before going back to Hogwarts, only because Jisung kept whining and asking Felix to bring him there. Felix obeyed what the one day older wanted with a sigh, turning away and heading to the bright colored shop, contrasting with the white snow on the corner of the street.

***

_ I need something that could restore a memory…  _ he thought.  _ Give me something so I can hear his voice one more time… I want to hear his voice... _

He stopped. Standing in front of what used to be a block of white painted brick walls a few minutes earlier, as he wheeled around after his third walk past. His eyes were still completely shut, afraid to face a possibility of failure in front of him. 

He inhaled a deep breath, let out a soft sigh, and fluttered his eyes open. The opened eyeballs were now widened, as a tiny gasp escaped his cherry lips. 

A highly polished door had appeared in the wall. Felix was staring at it, looking slightly wary. He finally reached out, seized the brass handle, pulled open the door and led the way into a spacious room lit with flickering torches like those that illuminated the dungeons eight floors below.

The walls were lined with wooden bookcases and instead of chairs there were large silk cushions on the floor. A set of shelves at the far end of the room carried a range of instruments such as Sneakoscope, Secrecy Sensors and a large, cracked Foe-Glass that Felix only heard the story from chattering ghosts oftenly passing in the hallway.

“Oh, welcome, little boy,” a sharp-lofty tone of voice was heard. The sudden sound pricking his eardrums made Felix startled, almost tripping on the feet of a vast mirror—which he recognized as The Legendary Mirror of Erised. He turned his head to the source of voice, finding a transparent human-like substantial floating in front of him, her eyes glared. 

Felix supposed that she was beautiful, with her waist-length hair and floor-length cloak, but she also looked haughty and proud. Close in, he recognized her as a ghost he had passed several times in the corridor, but to whom he had never spoken. The huge stain of blood roaming on her dress flicked a flame inside Felix’s head, made him realize who she was. 

Helena Ravenclaw. 

Felix raised an eyebrow when she continued, “Seeking for something, huh? Are you a seeker?” 

Felix shook his head, the fear built inside his stomach causing his feet to move a few steps back. “I- I- don’t- p- play Quidditch,” he answered shakily, eyes fixed to the ground. 

He sensed a blow of cold air on his right, sending shivers running down his spine, and he shuddered. Fear has taken over his limbs. 

“As expected from a scaredy Hufflepuff,” now the voice was right behind him. Ghosts weren’t supposed to breathe, considering they aren’t alive anymore, but Felix could feel her cold foreign presence was so close from the back of his shoulder. “Are you scared of me, little boy?” she asked again, teasingly. Felix closed his eyes, fist clutching on his long robe. 

“Open your eyes,” she demanded. Felix opened his eyes slowly, crashing into the other’s black orb pair. Felix has never looked into any ghost's eyes. Now that he beamed straight into it, he spotted a pair of dark, soulless and cold eyes, with no glimpse of light at all. It was like a pair of black-hole trying to absorb his soul into its last bit.

“Pretty little boy,” she said, a grin surprisingly popped up on her features. “What are you searching for, angel?” 

Felix swallowed the bile in his throat, his mind racing, trying to form words. Helena waited patiently in front of him. She looked amused upon the boy’s prettiness. 

“I- I need something to- uh,” he said, stuttering. “Something to- look- for memory?” 

Her eyebrows furrowed. Tilting her head a little, asking Felix for more explanation. 

“Uh, so someone that, uh.. important to me just- uh-” he scratched the back of his head in frustration, couldn’t find the right words. “I can’t see him again so- I just want to- hear his voice again-” he finally said, studying Helena’s face as she nodded and flew to the other side of the immense room.

She flew back in a few minutes, with two items inside her fist. She smiled mischievously into Felix, opening one of her fists. A tiny, shining black stone rolled on her palm, with some white scratches forming together into a triangle shape Felix recognized as the Deathly Hallows sign. 

His eyes widened, head shaking in fear, but soon his tense melted down when she opened another fist. This time it was a jar radiating a powerful aura with shining-transparent water inside of it. Felix’s eyes fixed to the way the water shone a vibrant light, as if there were a bunch of pretty glitters floating inside of it. 

“I reckon you already know about resurrection stone, right pretty boy?” she asked, which Felix answered with a nod. “Alright, I will explain this jar to you.”

“This jar is filled with pensieve’s magical water. Have you learned about pensieve yet?”

Felix nodded, parting his slightly trembling lips when he said, “Water that is used to review someone’s memories.” 

“That’s right. Now, this jar can keep one of the memories you treasure the most. Once you put the string of your memory here, you can open it and hear it anytime. Sounds good?” 

“Yeah, sounds like something that I need,” he answered, nodding eagerly. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to take the resurrection stone instead?”

Felix immediately shook his head. He would not take an item from Deathly Hallows. It’s too powerful for him, and he was scared thinking about the consequences he will get from using the legendary item. 

“Classic Hufflepuff,” Helena chuckled. She told Felix to take out his wand and cast the memory he wanted to keep. 

With his 11 ¾ inch Ash Unicorn feather wand he held against his forehead with his right hand, he closed his eyes. He didn’t need to dig into memories, to be honest. He has been missing Chan since forever, and all of their memories were always wandering on the surface of his headspace. The hardest point was actually to choose one from millions of those. 

_ “Channie hyung,” Felix said, nuzzling his nose into Chan’s broad shoulder.  _

_ Chan only hummed, eyes still fixed on the book he held on top of his thigh. He let the younger boy cling onto him, leaning his head on the edge of Chan’s shoulder with his hands wrapping around the older’s muscly body, clutching onto his black with red and yellow accent Gryffindor robe _ — _ holding him tight.  _

_ “What happened, lix?” Chan finally asked, closing the book on his lap with a soft thud.  _

_ “‘m sad,” Felix said against Chan’s shoulder.  _

_ “Why?”  _

_ He shook his head, pulling the older closer, so his head was now resting against Chan’s chest. Chan ran his fingers through Felix’s blonde strands, patting his head with comfort and gentle touch afterwards.  _

_ He pulled himself back, staring into the younger’s tired pair of crystal eyes. A fond smile appeared on Chan’s features, as his hand moved to cup Felix’s adorable face.  _

_ “Hm? What happened, little one?”  _

_ “Nothing happened,” Felix said, hesitated to continue. He pulled Chan close on his robe again, pressing his ear into Chan’s chest. The beating sound of Chan’s heart sounded like comforting music to Felix’s ears. His tears finally flowed as the grip on Chan’s robe tightened.  _

_ “Lix?” Chan asked in a soft, soothing voice.  _

_ “Overwhelmed?” he continued, stroking the younger’s back gently.  _

_ Felix hummed, squirming inside Chan’s hug, and buried his head deeper into his chest. He was drained. Too many school works, Jisung annoyed him with his jokes _ — _ that was supposed to be funny, if only Felix was in the right state _ — _ , he failed to read the prophecy with that goddamn crystal ball, his chick turned into a weird shape glass with yellow feathers and beak in transfiguration class, everything seemed to go wrong. As a result, he was exhausted.  _

_ “There, there,” Chan said. “It’s okay, little one, it’s okay.”  _

_ Half and an hour passed as Felix slowly loosened up his hug, pulling himself back from Chan’s warmth. He rubbed his eyes harshly and sat in a slump, swollen eyes cast to the ground. Chan simply put on a sweet smile, ruffling the younger’s hair in a lovely way.  _

_ Felix gazed up into Chan’s face, once again finding himself drowned and healed with the comfort he generously gave on the edge of his smile. A smile that curled a smile on Felix’s face as well.  _

_ “Feeling better?” Chan asked. _

_ “Better,” Felix said. After a good split of second, he added shyly, “Thank you, hyung.” _

_ Chan took Felix’s hand, shoved it with his own in his robe’s warm pocket. They stood up and walked to Hufflepuff dorm, with Felix’s head resting comfortably on the older’s shoulder.  _

_ “I love you, little one,” Chan muttered, knocking air out of Felix’s chest. He chuckled, couldn’t bite back a smile blooming on his face, with coral blush tinting his cheeks full of starry freckles.  _

_ “I love you too, hyung.”  _

“There you go, pretty boy. You did it,” Helena’s soft voice tore off Felix’s reminiscence, pulling him back to the present. He blinked a few times, realizing his sight was slightly blurry for a few seconds. The vibrant colors the jar shone made Felix gasped in amazement, amused upon its grace as soon as his eyes opened. He could see a single white string of his memory floating inside the shining water and slowly dissolved. 

Felix watched carefully as Helena rotated his hand and flick the jar’s cap open, handing it into the boy’s arms. The mentioned boy received it with an open palm, caressing the jar with a soft touch—afraid the glass material would shatter if he hadn’t been careful. 

“I love you, little one.” 

_ That’s Chan-hyung’s voice,  _ Felix thought. He could feel the tears welling up inside his eyes, overwhelmed by the mix of sadness and happiness. He was glad and happy that he could hear Chan’s voice again, in fact, he could listen to Chan’s voice anytime starting from now. He was happy beyond words. 

“Satisfied?” Helena asked. 

“Yeah, thank you,” Felix replied, pulling the jar close to his chest.

“Be warned, pretty boy,” Helena said, as Felix was about to head outside the room. Felix turned his head to Helena, waiting for her next words. 

“Everything has a price. Are you really willing to give anything for that?” 

“Yes,” Felix answered sharply. 

The same mischievous grin carved back into Helena’s face. She nodded, and breathed, 

“Okay. Have fun, pretty boy.” 

With that, Felix pushed the tall wood door open, getting out from the room and witnessed how the door disappeared as he walked back into his room with excitement sparkling inside his eyes. 

_ October 29th _

_ To: Lix’s beloved moon.  _

_ Went to The Three Broomsticks with Sungie this afternoon. We had a warm butterbeer together. It was nice, really. It’s always comfortable to hang around with Sungie. He asked me to treat him a lot of Fizzing Whizzbees, though. That child still hasn’t changed.  _

_ I get to hear your voice today. I miss you so much, hyung. So much. It’s driving me crazy. I got to hear your voice saying “I love you, little one” anytime that I want now. It’s nice to hear your voice. _

_ I will write again for you tomorrow, hyung. I hope you’re happy now.  _

_ I love you too. _

_ October 30th _

_ To: Lix’s beloved moon. _

_ Today I had an arithmancy class. That’s horrible, I feel like throwing up. I hate calculating things, ugh. Minnie was good at that though, he’s excellent. I’m jealous :( _

_ But, the good thing is, I had Herbology Class with Professor Longbottom today!! He’s really nice. He taught us how to take care of Mandrakes. It’s a plant that cried really, really, REALLY LOUD. We have to use a sound blocking things in our ears. But they’re really adorable, hehehe.  _

_ I got to see Sungie practicing today too. He really did great as a seeker. He’s the best.  _

_ Can’t wait to see how exciting tomorrow will go! _

_ Love you too <3 _

_ November 1st _

_ To: Lix’s beloved moon. _

_ I forgot to write this letter yesterday. I’m really careless, aren’t I?  _

_ Today I had a great day. I was happy, eheheh.  _

_ Nothing much happened, but at least I’m happy. I feel like there was something missing, though. But maybe it was just my mind.  _

_ Good night.  _

_ November 2nd _

_ I found something weird (but pretty) today…  _

_ Probably need to do research about it. _

_ How did it get into my room, though?  _

_ And why do I feel so broken when I hear it?  _

_ Ugh. Too much confusion.  _

_ November 3rd _

_ Why is Sungie saying weird things… he looked frustrated with me.. _

_ What’s wrong? I don’t know what he is talking about… _

_ Is it really wrong that I don’t understand what he was talking about? :( _

_ November 4th _

_ Now everyone is calling me weird, what is happening?  _

_ What am I supposed to remember? What am I supposed to understand? Why can’t they just explain it? _

_ November 5th _

_ What is this thing in my room? _

_ Why are so many weird things happening? Why is Sungie worried at me? Why did everyone ask me if I’m okay?  _

_ I feel fine. _

_ I’m okay, right?  _

_ I’m not crazy. _

_ November 6th _

_ They keep telling me to remember; I have to remember, what do I have to remember?  _

_ November 7th _

_ Remember, lix.  _

_ You have to remember.  _

_ November 8th _

_ I don’t know whose voice was that.. What’s wrong with them.. _

_ Why are they keep telling me to hear it and remember it? I can’t. I don’t know.  _

_ Is it so wrong that I don’t know?  _

_ November 9th _

_ Sungie keeps saying weird things. I’m tired.  _

_ November 10th _

_ I thought this book is a diary?  _

_ Who is lix’s beloved moon?  _

_ What is this?  _

_ Who is saying “I love you, little one” from this weird jar…  _

_ Why does my heart feel heavy when I hear it?  _

_ November 11th _

_ I did try, I did, please trust me, Sungie…  _

_ I don’t want to hear it anymore. _

_ I feel hurt, as if my heart is shattered into million pieces.  _

_ November 12th _

_ Who is Channie-hyung they talked about?  _

_ November 13th _

_ Who are you?  _

_ Why do you call me little one, why do you love me, who are you?  _

_ November 14th _

_ Maybe I love you too. _

_ November 15th _

_ Please tell me, _

_ Who are you?  _

Felix sighed as his eyes beamed softly to the moon, watching how the silver lights started to weaken, as the dark cloud found their way to hide its shine. A little star blinked faintly on the edge of the horizon, nearly impossible for any eyes to catch. A drop of tears rolling down Felix’s cheeks, drowning his constellation-like freckles with nothing but agony. The tightness and pain grew stronger in his chest, he could feel the glass vial of fragile emotions he kept inside shattering. 

He gave up, letting it shattered completely and revealing the hidden black poison to flow out, rolling down his cheeks heavily as clear tears with the reflection of a broken moon. Felix has never let out any of his gloomy emotions to be seen by anyone. He bottled them up in a vial and broke it once he’s alone. Breaking down and holding onto no one but himself.

Someone should pull him close into his chest, allowing his tears to burst and wet his shirt. Someone should draw a circle on Felix trembling back with his warm palm, and the notes of lullaby rolling out softly from his tongue should drag his exhausted body into a sleep he desperately needed. 

Someone should do it. But he was alone, with only the shine of the moon and stars in the night sky that kept growing weaker, as if they’re preparing themselves to disappear once the sun rose. 

“I miss you,” he barely whispered. The thin fog escaping his lips remained visible for a few seconds before it dissolved into the freezing air. A painful sob tore off from his burning throat, and more followed messily. Felix curled himself into his small body, whimpering and sobbing into his pillow. He missed someone. He missed someone he didn’t even know who. The air around him was suffocating to breathe in. Everything was cold, foreign, and painful. 

He missed someone; it was really painful. He desperately needed to find this person. He needed him. He needed him to hug him and wipe his tears. He needed him to ease out the torturing weight inside his chest. He needed him. 

_ But who?  _

A beautiful jar filled with shining water was left open on the desk beside Felix's bed. Its vibrant color shone so brightly inside his depressingly dark room, splattering beautiful violet and crimson colors on his walls. 

Felix’s sobs and whimpers were getting louder, the sea of agonizing emotions had drowned him inside, in the same way his cries drowned the other sound from his ears. He couldn’t hear anything. But even if he could, the only thing he would hear was a foreign voice he couldn't recognize, saying words he knew would scratch another scar on his already-destroyed heart. 

_ I love you, little one.  _

**Author's Note:**

> "In this life, you can lose someone twice. The first one is when they're gone. And the second one, is when you forget."  
> Felix might've lose Chan twice.


End file.
